Parents responsibility to build accountability into their teenage children

Monday, March 13th, 2006

I couldn't help thinking about the article I read in the San Francisco Chronicle this morning about a group of 100 teenagers who did nothing to stop a fatal stabbing of a fellow teen at a party in El Cerrito, CA. What makes an entire group of teens freeze and not call 911 when they are always using their cell phones and it is certain they all were in possession of them? Was their main concern to get out of there so they would not be arrested? Was the person stabbed someone unknown to them and therefore a non-entity? This happened at a party where there were no adults around.

The only good news about this incident is that it pulled a community together and set up a panel of teens, parents, educators and community leaders to try to figure this out and make sure this does not happen again.

The bigger question is that there seems to be no accountability on the teens part for letting someone get stabbed. Were they not all accomplices in this tragedy? There seemed to be a lack of courage to step forward with integrity and compassion. Somehow each child there is responsible in some way if they could have helped and did nothing. They should examine their consciences and help other teens speak up to prevent further tragedy.

Where have the parents been in all this? The educators? The community leaders? It takes a village, to quote Hilary Clinton, to raise a child and certainly this is true for teenagers. I know as I have an 18 1/2 year old daughter. It takes courage to be a parent of a teenager, especially at this time when so many of them are without any adult guidance.

Many educators have presented emotional intelligence training as part of the standard curriculum in the schools. Not many have adopted it and yet things like this are clearly needed to give children the ability to self-refelect and self-manage. We all need tools to be aware of our impact on others.

As a management consultant to global business organizations, I see the lack of self-awareness at all levels of the spectrum - from entry level all the way to the top of organizations. The complexity of the world we are living in demands a level of self-reflection, no matter how pressed people are for time.